Another birthday

Dear Phillip;

I had another birthday today.

I so clearly remember celebrating my birthday very pregnant with you, 29 years ago; just a couple weeks before you were born.  It doesn't make sense for me to have birthdays - for me to get a year older - and for you to never see another birthday.  If only I could give you my birthdays.  It would make me so happy if I could.

I wore the pearls you gave me for my 50th birthday today. I put them on and cried and cried.  You gave me so many gifts over the years, but the best birthday present I ever had was you.

When I blew out the candles on my past two birthdays I wished that I could hear from you; that you could tell me you were happy.  That was really all I wanted.  This year I gave my birthday wish to Brian and Heather; I wished them a long and happy marriage.  I guess that's part of the healing process; to think more about the living.

Still.... I would give every last birthday I have coming to you if I could.  They aren't the same without you.

I love you and miss you so much.
Your year-older Mom