Whoa… another year has gone by?

My dear Phillip.

January 1, 2015.  I'm sitting by the Christmas tree, looking at the Waterford 100th anniversary Times Square lighted ornament I gave you the year you brought in the new year in New York.  It's sitting beside your picture, reminding me of that crazy and intrepid year.  It was as cold in Times Square this year as it was when you went - high 20s.

It's a strange feeling this New Year.  I feel like I'm neither looking back, nor looking forward.  For the first time in my life I am living more in the present that I ever have before.   That's something I've never been good at; I've always tended to dwell on the past and worry about the future.  But now I'm living in the moment.  I think that's another gift you have given me - I'm truly enjoying each day.  Sometimes I have to stop to think what day it is or even what month it is.  It's just today.

I'm still not sure what the third third of my life will bring, but for now I'm enjoying today.
Many people wonder what the purpose of their life is, but I have the rare gift of knowing exactly what the purpose of my life was; that was to be your mother.  To learn the lessons you had to teach me, and to love you and care for you to the best of my abilities.   At this point if I were struck my lightning I would have completed everything that was important in my life to do.   So each day is a gift to enjoy.  I get to enjoy being a grandmother.  I get to enjoy being happily married.  I get to enjoy all the little things that I never had time for before, knowing that whether this stage lasts one day or 30 years it doesn't really matter.  I'm still in that warp in the space-time continuum that I've been in for 4 years now, so I'm becoming less and less aware of where I am in time.  I'm simply in now.

Now, my love,  Happy New Year.  Happy Today.